My first blog. Well, I was inspired to blog today simply because I need to do something, and things are slow at work.

My girlfriend of almost 6 years broke up with me over the weekend, and I haven't been feeling good since. Even though we'd been having problems, and even though I was the one who suggested we break up, it still came as a shock to realize that I was actually single again.

I was very happy to have a girlfriend like Miranda. We loved each other very much. We always had stuff to talk about, she was pretty, and she says I'm handsome. Even with everything going for us, a dark shadow has crept up.

After a few problems, she decided that she doesn't want me as a boyfriend any more. She say's she doesn't want any boyfriend at all, which I guess makes me feel a little better, if its true.

I just feel like I've lost something that I need, and may never be able to get it back. Right now, I do want her back. I hope that either I get her back soon, or the feeling fades soon. Its hard to breathe, to eat, or to do anything really.

I hope she's taking this better than I am, it is her first breakup.

I'm feeling a lot better today. I slept better last night. I think I know how to win Miranda back.

She once told me that what she wanted was for us to hang out with friends most of the time, and be alone with me sometimes. This was difficult for me, because I fell into a "comfort groove" with her and never really wanted to leave.

Well, since we're not together, I fell out of my comfort groove. Now I have found myself wanting to have fun with groups of friends... Sound familiar? Hopefully I'll be able to hang out with her and my mutual friends. I'll feel happier that I'm with people, and out of a groove, and she probably will too.

So, once we're having fun as part of a group, I'm hoping that she'll feel good enough that she would like a boyfriend again. I'm also hoping that boyfriend will be me.

Wish me luck! ;-)

Okay, I'm an idiot. I became aware of that when I decided to go over to Miranda's house. I wanted to see how she was doing. Of all the idiotic things to do. Ofcourse, she was sad, I was sad, and we both were sad together, but I wasn't prepared to deal with this other thing.

She got her ear's pierced! Not a big deal, right? Wrong, I'd been trying to get her to pierce her ears for 4 years. On top of that, she looked good with earings. It probably wouldn't have mattered, but I was an idiot in another way too.

I tried to convince her that we could get back together. I hugged her and kissed her on the neck. She didn't fight back, but she said that it was cheating ;-). Well, it didn't help anyway :-(.

Anyway, when I realized I wasn't going to win her back, I left. I started to feel angry about the piercing, and then my stomach hurt.

It still hurts. This all happened yesterday. I haven't felt the same since. I don't think I love her any more, which might be better in the long run, but I was so used to loving her, and it seems only pain is left in her place.

Now, I'm not normally a depressed, nor depressing, person, but lately I've been so stressed out I didn't know how to handle it. Hopefully I'll get my life back on track, and some happy blogging will happen.

I'd like to take a moment of silence to honer the dead. Namely, my sanity.

I found myself talking to myself. Which I normally don't worry about, but this was a little more than usual. Well, its probably not enough to worry about.

This has got to be the worst saturday I've had in years. Without exaggeration. I woke up dreaming about Miranda. Not good dreams. Its kind of hard to explain the dream, it was more emotions than sequiences or visions. I felt that Miranda was trying to displace me, or stop me from doing something.

If thats not bad enough, I couldn't get a hold of ANYONE today. I called about 7 of my friends. Basically anyone who's phone number I had, except Miranda. Everyone was either asleep, gone, or busy. Its now 9:00pm and I haven't had any gratifying contact of any sort, and I feel sick.

Normally, when I felt like this, I just called Miranda. Even if she wasn't home, I could leave a message, and it usually made me feel better. Now, though, I can't even do that.

I did talk to one person for a little bit, but I wouldn't yet call her a friend, more of an acquantance. I'd like to become her friend, but its always a risk, befriending a newly single guy, so I suspect she's going to be a little resistant to my needs. Not that I blame her, I probably seem like I'm hitting on every girl I see. Sad part is, I probably am in a way.

I've decided that I want many different types of relation ships right now. Mostly I need friendships, but I need at least one person who is willing to hold me, or at the very least let me hold them. I am feeling a little to detached from humanity right now, and thats when things get dangerous. Not that I feel dangerous right now, but still.

Okay, I'm feeling a lot better. Still sad though. Sorry I haven't written in a couple of days (not like anyone checks this anyway). I've been trying to keep busy. I did a search for getting over a breakup on Google today. Many of the pages told me to do all the things I was doing. That made me happy. I'm doing the right things.

I'm going to a party tonight. First real party I've been to in years. I'm old enough to drink now, and I just might. For anyone who cares, I'll be careful, no worries.

Well, work still sucks, but what else is new. We're going to lunch, so I gotta go. Daniel out.